i also love spoken word.

it makes me feel like chocolate wrapped in satin.
velvet smooth voices–gravelly and rich–tumbling out…
pointed hesitations… driving waves.
words falling like God’s rain drops:
soft whispers. heavy thuds.
drenched in meaning.
honesty and adjectives enveloping hearts like purple sunbeams and twirling skirts.
yum.

it was a week of praises… seeing students challenged and encouraged… seeing students take ownership of their ministry… seeing steps toward freedom taken… seeing students blossom and come alive under the grace and favor of the Lord.

what a privilege to see these things first hand… and to be a vessel in it.

to see Him at one point this week use even my folly and discouragement to encourage others.  may God be praised.

He has been teaching me much as of late… urging and inviting and enticing me to live on my knees… to pray without ceasing.

showing me how in these last months my heart had withdrawn into self-centeredness and hardness in my woundedness… selfish… brittle… dry… self-reliant… fearful… proud… discouraged… forgetful… being fooled (listening to my flesh and those in my most immediate proximity) into thinking that gasping for breath was the same thing as breathing.

funny how we can so easily fool ourselves into accepting paltry substitutes in place of the real thing… taking cardboard for a feast… a broken recorder in place of a symphony… a stick figure in exchange for a piece crafted at the hands of a master.  ”the heart is deceitful above all things…” (jeremiah 17:9).

and much conviction as of late… seeking for Him to examine the motives of my heart in all things… Him bringing before me, over and over again, the reminder that He looks at the heart.

and the all-over-again realization that HE. LOVED. ME. WHEN. I. HATED. HIM.

mmm…  there aren’t even words for that.

and sweet, dear times with a sweet, dear sister in georgia… what a blessing… to be near someone who speaks the same heart language.  a sister in a very different and very similar season.  i love how the Lord has given me this friend… that though we have known each other for a very short period of time, she is a friend who already recognizes many of the nuances of my heart not so readily discerned by others.

and, too, to now be living with a family that loves and follows after the Lord.  a home where Christ is the foundation and the focus.  to see the Lord actively and intimately drawing my heart out of the place it was hiding.  to see Him bring into the light what the posture of my heart had become… fearful, hesitant, despairing, broken.  these days feel like fresh rain for a dry land.  to understand that for the rest of my life this side of Home i will probably forever be harvesting from the seeds He is planting in me now through this home, this family, this brother and sister.  what a blessing.

mmmm… there aren’t even words for that.

may God be greatly praised.

i made up a song about peanuts as i walked around the house snacking on some peanuts.

i went on a four-hour quest to find a MASSIVE (and by massive i mean that a family of six could literally eat dinner off this sucker) bulletin board to put my world map on so i can be mindful of where the Lord has taken me and be mindful to be sure and pray for *all* of the nations by name.

standing in the checkout line in walmart (a palace of consumerism whose largest bulletin board is an astonishingly measly 24 x 36 in.) behind three older gentlemen speaking spanish i randomly burst into the chorus of “don’t stop believing” (including some slightly less-than-subtle head-banging).  all three men burst into a chorus of laughter… doubled-over, in fact.  it’s like i forget i’m in public sometimes… i think it mostly has to do with being unashamed of my silliness because i know the Lord delights in it.

after dinner tonight in my new home (with the m. family) i put the tea kettle on so i could have a cup of tea.  in a matter of minutes, flames a foot high were shooting out of the burner.  for a moment i stood there gawking, holding the tea kettle and thinking “oh my goodness i’m going to burn their house down!  Lord!  please don’t let me burn their house down!”  then, not knowing if we had a fire extinguisher, all i could manage was a feeble crying out of s.‘s name.  then common sense kicked in:  i was holding a kettle of water.  duh.  i called s. a little more loudly and promptly dumped the kettle out on the burner.  there was still a small flame when s. came in and blew it out.  let me tell you folks.  it was a bit of a moment.

so yes.  all in all it was a pretty eventful day.  ::grin::

but i did want to share this:

you know, when i want to know a person i do not want a list of their accomplishments or their “this-is-why-i-look-good-on-paper” resume.  i want to know what makes their heart beat… what makes their heart wince and breathe and reel and hope.  mmmm.

i have very little tolerance for pretense.

what a beautiful thing that this beautiful God makes things rich in meaning and significance.

how certain things can still leave

my heart breathless, no?

all to the credit and glory of the Father.

may God be greatly praised…

thankful for the Body of Christ, which He has afforded us at great cost.

I Want a Broken Heart (Derek Webb)
I’ve got faith in the bank and money in my heart
I’ve got a calloused place where your ring used to be, my love
I’ve traded naked and unashamed
For a better place to hide
For a righteous mask, a suit of fig leaves and lies

[Chorus 1]
I thought the cattle on a thousand hills
Was not enough to pay my bills
And I fell in love with those who proved me wrong
And now I want a broken heart

Now there’s a great pad lock
On the place where I was free
And I’m feeling bad from swallowing that key
Now I work real hard but I mostly call in sick
Of a broken back from the ground fighting back at me

[Chorus 2]
I cannot look you in the eye
So I check the knots on my disguise
‘Cause I fell in love with fashion in the dark
And now I want a broken heart

[Chorus 3]
I’ve got alibis for every crime
A substitute to do my time
‘Cause Your heart breaks enough on both our parts
So now I want a broken heart
Now I want a broken heart
Now I want a broken heart